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Albatrosses to Host Marriage Counselling Sessions for Humans Struggling With Divorce Rates

News from the Natural World: Albatrosses are set to host marriage counselling sessions for humans struggling with the reality of long term relationships.

News from the Natural World: Albatrosses are set to host marriage counselling sessions for humans struggling with the reality of long term relationships.

Long has the human world suffered from rising divorce rates. Conventional wisdom goes that around 50% of marriages end in divorce. In addition, divorce rates have increased in recent years. Almost 50% of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Furthermore, researchers estimate that 41% of all first marriages end in divorce. The average overall divorce rate in England and Wales is 33.3%, based on all marriages over the past 50+ years between 1964 to 2019. The sad reality of the human world is that divorce rates are increasing all around the planet. Human relationship experts warn the pandemic-induced break-up curve may not have peaked yet either.

Humans Struggling With Divorce Rates

Albatrosses
Albatrosses to help humans

But why do humans get divorced so much? What are the most common reasons people give for their divorce? Research has found the most common reasons humans give for their divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse. They also forgot the crippling guilt that comes with being human and realising your greedy little existence threatens all life on earth. But the animal kingdom has decided to step in and help the worlds most annoying great ape out. Which animal did they send? Why the Albatross of course.

Black-Browed Albatrosses in the Falkland Islands are famously known for bonding for life. The Albatrosses‘ lifelong partnerships are truly exceptional. In most bird species partnerships do not last much longer than a single breeding season. But Albatrosses are just different. Firstly, they are very picky. It can take them 15 years to decide on a partner. But having decided, Albatrosses just don’t change. In fact, they will stick faithfully with their mate until one of them dies, which might not be for another fifty years. These exceptional birds have been brought in to help humans learn some lessons about love. But Keith and Janet, the first humans to be offered counselling sessions, with Bert the Black-Browed Albatross were very sceptical – “What the bloody hell can some big winged bird teach us. Only humans can experience love!”

Albatrosses to Host Marriage Counselling Session

Bert the Albatross turned the human couple and said “You are mistaken, simple-minded human. Many animals, including myself, experience love. Since love is really just a flood of chemicals released in the brain, there is no reason this feeling should be limited to you humans. We Albatross realise that love serves a practical purpose: It helps us stick together. The same evolutionary forces that acted on you humans, and made you fall in love, have also acted on us Albatrosses. We too live a long time, don’t have many children, and put a lot of effort into our offspring and relationships.”

Bert was hitting his stride now “You humans chase love around like it is a product that can be bought and sold. You compete to film engagement proposals, you compete to have the most expensive weddings. You boast and flash your insipid surface-level love like vain vacuous vermin and it is no wonder your divorce rates are so high. Love is not about showing the world how fake and in love you are. It is preening the regurgitated scales of herring of your partner’s feathers. It is waiting weeks after weeks for your partner to return from the ocean, not knowing whether they have survived. Truly, it is this kind of devotion that comes with a life of calm and a bird’s eye view of the entire world. Oh, you humans have so much to learn.”

With that Bert took to the air, the first of many Albatross to offer relationship counselling to the human race.

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Albatrosses
Albatrosses the masters of love

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