Hall of Shame

What Happened to the Steller’s Sea Cow? Animal Hall of Shame

Enter the Animal Hall of Shame: What happened to the Steller's Sea Cow? Enter the Animal Hall of Shame.

Enter the Animal Hall of Shame: What happened to the Steller’s Sea Cow? Enter the Animal Hall of Shame.

Here at the Platypus we honour the traditions and beliefs of the animal kingdom. Namely that all animal life should be free from the threat of extinction. Extinction is the one, true greatest final evil of all. There is really no greater evil (except maybe Cats). So here, in the Animal Hall of Shame, we honour those animals whose lives have been snuffed out by the Homo Sh*tpiens.

What Happened to the Steller's Sea Cow?
What Happened to the Steller’s Sea Cow?

What was a Steller’s Sea Cow?

The Steller’s Sea Cow was a relative of the Manatee and Dugong. Unlike those two species, they were adapted to living in frigid Arctic waters. In addition, they were also much larger, growing to be as long as 30 feet from tail to snout, versus 10 for a manatee. At that time, they only lived around the Commander Islands in the Bering Sea between Alaska and Russia. In addition, the Steller’s Sea Cow grazed in kelp forests. This remarkable aquatic creature was then sighted by a human in 1741 called Georg Steller.

What did the Steller’s Sea Cow eat?

Steller’s Sea Cow only fed directly on the soft parts of undersea kelp forests. This diet also caused the stems to toughen and holdfast to wash up on the shore in heaps. They may have also fed on seagrass, but was not their primary food source.

What Happened to the Steller’s Sea Cow?

What happened to the Steller’s Sea Cow?

Our aquatic brethren was traditionally considered to have been exterminated by human overharvesting for food. Steller, the evil human conqueror, said that its meat was extremely tasty—much nicer than the sea otter they had been surviving on. Many human hunters felt that there was a nearly inexhaustible supply of sea-cow meat.

Why did the Steller’s Sea Cow go extinct?

Again, everyone’s favourite opposable thumbed Great Ape turned up. The apparent disappearance of Steller’s Sea Cow actually helped persuade European human biologists that extinction was possible (at the time, the Dodo was thought to be still alive, or imaginary). How lucky, I bet the Steller Sea Cows are chuffed with that saving grace…

Did humans kill all the Steller’s Sea Cow?

It’s not looking good for the humans on this one. They hunted the hell out of them, harpooned them in their thousands and butchered them to fuel their pillaging of the natural world. But it has also been proposed that its extinction resulted from a sea urchin population explosion triggered by the extirpation of local Sea Otter populations that eliminated the shallow-water kelps. Guess who exterminated all the Sea Otters?

Animal Hall of Shame

What killed the Steller’s Sea Cow?

It doesn’t take a genius to work this one out. They had previously been surviving for hundreds of thousands of years but when humans arrived it took just 27 years for them to disappear.

Is the Steller’s Sea Cow still alive?

The last Sea Cow seen in the wild was spotted by fur hunters in 1768. However, rumours circle that humans in western countries are becoming so obese that they may evolve into them.


What Happened to the Steller's Sea Cow?
Humans Happened to the Steller’s Sea Cow

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