News from the Natural World: Protect the environment for our children by not having children is the new slogan for an alarmist conservation group.
A new alarmist conservation group called the Anti-Natalists has come up with a rather simple solution to the climate crisis. They have stated that the only way the human race can save the planet for its children is to stop actually having any children. The group argued that the constantly evolving and complex crisis actually has a really nice simple easy to digest fix. For only £9.99 you too can join their Anti-Natalist membership organisation and save the world by not having children. However, this proposal was met with some confusion in the animal kingdom and wisest of them all, Olga the Owl stepped in to help. She set off to interview this alarmist group and shine some hypocrisy right back at them.
Olga the Owl simply asked the human to explain their cause to which the human said “We want to save the planet for future generations of humans, the only way to do that is to stop having children.” Olga looked perplexed “If you stop having children then there won’t be any children of the future.” The human’s mind began to melt, no this couldn’t be true. He was always right. He had his bamboo toothbrush in his bag. His turtle bracelet on and his vegan reusable coffee cup. All his conservation arguments were always right because anyone who disagreed was right-wing and evil. But this Owl was an animal. Olga the Owl decided to press the advantage.
Protect the Environment for our Children
“Look human, I will break it down for you. You need to focus on progress instead of simple solutions to complex problems. Progress is the only important measurement. Absolute societal change and colossal structural shifts across thousands of years of behaviour are surprisingly not going to happen quickly. If you like your modern medicine, satellite technology, supermarkets, iPhones, Netflix and Deliveroo then you have to acknowledge where those things came from. The only reason as a modern westerner that you can buy a bamboo toothbrush online is because of the destruction of the natural world. How do you think those massive deep-sea fibre optic cables were laid? How do you think that technology evolved to such an extent that from a small device in your pocket you can buy almost anything you want, anywhere at any time? If you stop having children where will that lead you?”