News from the Natural World: Who is Behind Extinction Rebellion? Finally, we answer the great unanswered question.
For many years humans and animals alike have wondered who is behind the eco-anarchist group known as Extinction Rebellion. This group of Train Gluers and Brocolli Buffoons has long polarized the already polarized human community. It was first believed that the Extinction Rebellion relied on donations from crowdfunding, major donors, NGOs, trusts and foundations. One human called Christopher Hohn even gave £50,000 to the group. Additionally, the charity he co-founded, The Children’s Investment Fund Foundation, has also donated more than £150,000. But we animals suspected that there was another powerful backer behind the group. But why did we suspect a more sinister master lurking in shadows?
Who is Behind Extinction Rebellion?
The reason was simple. It was clear that Extinction Rebellion’s aim was to drive a huge wedge between the left and the right. The left and the right is how the human world divides opinion. Us animals are confused by this rigid simplicity. To us, it is self-evident that if you only ever split debates in two then they will always become pointlessly circular arguments. These two-sided debates lead to a vicious self-fulfilling loop of incredibly loud voices with no reasonable solutions. But this is how the human world likes to divide its big issues and into this wake stepped Extinction Rebellion.
It was clear that their real motive wasn’t really change at all. No one who sought real change would be that self-righteous and pointlessly annoying. Glueing yourself to public transport, dressing up as broccoli and spending more money on costumes rather than climate solutions was so obviously meant to anger rather than solve. Their true aim was to ignite hatred between the left and right. But why? There must be an ulterior motive, there must be a secret mastermind!
Thanos Finally Reveals Himself as CEO
This mastermind has now revealed himself to humanity. Extinction Rebellion has been led all along by the mad titan known as Thanos. Thanos is an intergalactic entity of immeasurable power. He managed to successfully assemble the six Infinity Gems into a single gauntlet and plans to use them to kill half of the universe’s population. We managed to speak to a member of Extinction Rebellion who had this to say;
“Honestly he’s the perfect boss, really rules with a rainbow fist, but he’s fair. His plan to wipe out 50% of the universe is right up our street. It’s the next logical step of Extinction Rebellion’s journey. The climate catastrophe is upon and we need a drastic solution. Plus he’s big and purple so he will attract a lot of attention. He’s got the backing of Disney and Marvel and that’s a platform we couldn’t turn down. We know that telling our story and attracting attention is more important than offering solutions. He also said he could solve the problem in a snap, we’re not really in this for the long haul so we know Thanos is the right leader to take us forward.”
So there you have it, Thanos reveals himself as the new leader and finally reveals who is behind Extinction Rebellion!
TAKE ACTION – NOW
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