News from the Natural World: How to be more productive – Graham the Gorilla shares his top tips.
We set out to interview a supercharged Gorilla by the name of Graham. He’s well known in the animal kingdom as an entrepreneur, inspirational leader and author. He’s published such seminal business books as “How to Win Friends and Influence Apes” and “Rich Ape, Poor Ape”. We sat down with him to discover the secrets to his success.
“The secret sauce to my success is that I know deep down we are the Great Ape that was destined to rule. I live in a landscape akin to Eden, along the Western, or Albertine Rift, in one of Africa’s most biodiverse regions, known as the Virunga Massif. Most of the other Gorillas spend half their bloody day eating and another third of their day resting. Not me. I set my alarm for 3.00 am. I’m up immediately, I do 300 press-ups, lift a few trees up and pound the stump 100 times. It gets me going and fires up some endorphins immediately.”
How to Be More Productive
“After that, I do some meditation, 15 mins of forest yoga and then take a gentle walk through the forest by babbling mountain brooks. Along the way, I forage the finest raw, organic vegetarian foods and insects with the occasional small mammal treat. None of that processed shite, I’m all naturelle. Most Gorillas opt for a midday siesta whilst the youngsters play freely. Not me, sleep is for the week. I’m usually brainstorming ideas for a new business venture, I had this idea about a glue that was named after our species. Or I’ll plan a merger and acquisition, maybe a way to enslave the local Baboon tribe for profit. Once the rest of the tribe has woken its social time. The rest cavort for hours but I allow myself a strict 15 mins of play only!
“I’m always innovating you see, some of the old Gorillas used to stick their fingers in Termite mounds. It was me who came up with the idea of using a grass stem. I think outside the box!”
“But I do blot out a great deal of time for teaching with my nearest and dearest. This is very important and plays a role in the life of young gorillas and in their integration into the group. It helps the children to get familiar with every single one of us and to be accepted as a part of the group. During teaching, they practise communication and learn many patterns of behaviour that are not instinctive.”
By Graham the Gorilla
“After that, we also make our own beds (nests) and the rest of the group go to sleep. It’s a full blissful eight hours of beauty sleep unless of course, the weather is cold and overcast when the whole family has a lie-in. Not me, I’m up and about patrolling for threats, mainly the big spotted claws of death (leopard) other Gorillas and also the Great Destroyer (humans). A Big Spots will kill and eat any unprotected gorillas. It’s not personal; it’s just that the Big Spots is hungry. Really I have one sole job, and that is to protect the family, sacrificing myself if need be.”
There you have it, Graham the Gorillas day in life and how to be more productive.
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