News

Squirrel Gets Ahead in Life After Burying All His Nuts in Off-Shore Tax Haven

News from the Natural World: Squirrel gets ahead in life after finding a way to outsmart all the other Squirrels.
News from the Natural World: Squirrel gets ahead in life after finding a way to outsmart all the other Squirrels. Cyril the Squirrel was always one of the most successful Squirrels in Hyde Park. His tail was bushier, his teeth whiter and his claws just that little bit sharper than the rest. Also, he just had a way with the ladies, they were drawn to him and he was like a giant squirrel magnet to them. In addition, he was always fitter, healthier and fatter. But there was a reason for all this. Cyril had a secret up his sleeve.
Squirrel Gets
Squirrel Gets Smart
What was this secret that Cyril the Squirrel was hiding? Just how was he getting ahead of all the others? We set off to Hyde Park to trek down this successful squirrel and quiz him on his secret methods. We found him looking glamourous and decadent. His large rotund belly bulging out, showcasing his wealth in nuts. He had hired some little Harvest Mice to fan him with Oak leaves and a Water Vole was feeding him little pistachios nuts from a conker shell. So we asked him, Cyril, what is your secret?

Squirrel Gets Ahead in Life

“It’s simple really. All the other Squirrels are just idiots you see. They scurry around Hyde Park collecting nuts like frenzied little worker ants. Pathetic really. But the worst thing is that they bury them in the ground. They just dig some earth up and whack the nuts in then scratch around and bury them. It’s not just under the earth. They put them in trees, under logs, all over the place. Not me though, you see the problem is that other animals find them. The rats get to them, they scurry around sneaking for all the hidden nuts and they eat them up. So when the Squirrels go to look for them they are all gone.” “Well what do you do with them?” we asked. “I put my nuts in offshore tax-havens. It’s really simple you see, they’re totally legal and you can just hide your nuts in there. No one can take them away from you and you don’t lose a single one. It’s brilliant. The rats can’t find them and the rest of the Squirrels are too stupid to know how.”

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: