News from the Natural World: Diet Wars: Broccolics and Potatosants argue over whether bread and wine can feel pain.
As all animals know, diets have become the new religion of the human world. Diets finally replaced actual religion early in the 21st century with the rise of Vegetarianism, Veganism, Pescatarianism and Flexitarianism. But diets really came to the forefront with the rise of social media. Social media also allowed humans with no personalities to tell strangers about their diets. Only other humans who also had no life or personality cared but unfortunately for the human race that was most of them. As the years passed diets split humans into self-righteous narcissistic tribes who preached from the pulpit on what to eat and what not to eat. Like a catholic missionary let loose in a Mayan primary school it was a match made in hell.
Diet Wars: Broccolics and Potatosants Argue
Thus the Diet Wars began. Vegan’s built giant tofu cannons and launched soy bean bombs at unsuspecting Vegetarians. The great knights of the Vegetarians responded with their lethal Asparagus spears and attacked the Pescatarians. Whilst the Peskatarians spent their entire time trying to pacify the Flexitarians who retaliated by launching devastating bouncing spaghetti nuke attacks. Factions splintered and splinters fractured until no one could tell who was fighting who. But there were two factions amongst the Diet Wars who fought more viciously than any other, the Broccolics and Potatosants.
Rumours spread that Broccolics were a deadly fusion of Vegans and Catholics. Preachers upon preachers. They were the loudest and most outspoken of all the diet factions. But there was one other group that rivalled them, the Potatosants. The Potatosants agreed with the Broccolics on almost everything except one key element. This was called Transubstantiation. Transubstantiation had evolved during the diet wars and taken on a new meaning around the Eucharistic offering of bread and wine. The Broccolics argued that the bread and wine could feel pain. Whilst the Potatosants argued that the bread and wine were not animal products and therefore couldn’t feel pain. The Broccolics argued that were not the bread and wine the manifestation of the hands of an animal, made from the love and care of an animal and as such manifest of all its emotions. They were adamant, bread and wine could feel pain.