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Whales About to Be Blasted By Shell Oils Loud Shockwaves Suggest Death Metal Music

News from the Natural World: Whales about to be blasted by Shell have a spicy suggestion for their new sonic treat.
News from the Natural World: Whales about to be blasted by Shell have a spicy suggestion for their new sonic treat.

Arch earth sucker Shell is a company that extracts profits from the natural world for a handful of old white crusty homo sapiens. These creatures, also known as Sith Lords, have fragile egos and are consumed by greed. The rest of the human race is largely aware of this. But they are so powerful that they are beyond reproach. In the past, they have famously drilled so deep that they awakened the second Balrog, blasted Stonehenge to pieces after a single barrel of oil was discovered underneath and changed the name of the Gulf of Mexico to ‘The Gulf of Spilly Spilly Woopsy’. But their latest escapade has even their staunchest supporters reeling.
Whales About to Be Blasted By Shell
The Gulf of Spilly Spilly Woopsy

Whales About to Be Blasted By Shell

Shell announced that they are about to blast extremely loud shockwaves into the Wild Coast of South Africa. This fragile and beautiful ecosystem is also a vital whale breeding ground. Each shockwave is louder than a space shuttle launch, and local whales, dolphins, sharks and turtles will be subjected to them every 10 seconds, for five months, in whale mating season. Human Scientists are clear they cannot drill for more oil and gas and meet climate targets. In addition, the use of seismic waves could have a devastating impact on the health of marine life. If successful, the operations would also disrupt the local communities that depend on eco-tourism and fishing for their livelihoods. We set out to interview the Whales to see what they had to say.

“Well to be honest it’s what we’ve come to expect from the humans. If they really want to do right by us, perhaps they could play some Death Metal. Maybe ‘Enter the Oilman’ by Metallica or “Fear of the Crude’ by Iron Maiden. Actually, wouldn’t it be perfect if they played ‘Oil in the Water’ by Deep Purple. That would really have a nice ring to it.”

So there you have it, Whales about to be blasted by Shell have requested that they at least do the honourable thing and play some rollicking Death Metal.

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