Meet our team of animal journalists at the worlds leading (and only) satirical news site for the natural world. The Platypus is aiming to change the way humans see the natural world through tireless gonzo journalism, spoof, comedy, parody and also satire. We felt it was finally time to show the world from the point of view of the animal kingdom. We want humans to read, laugh, think, and then act. The Platypus aims to show humans the true Voice of Nature. In addition, we’d quite like to make you laugh harder than a Jackal on April Fools Day. Really, you should see them, they go absolutely bonkers. Anyway, I digress. What was I talking about again? Oh yes, our amazing and hardworking team of animal journalists.
As such our team of journalists is made up of some of the animal kingdoms most intrepid reporters. Finally we can be a voice for the voiceless. Animals who will stop at nothing to uncover the truth about what is happening to the natural world. Meet our team below;
The Platypus
The Platypus is the founder of our news site and also the first animal to enter the human world of online journalism. Hailing from the distant rivers and streams of Northern Australia he started blogging many years ago from his Platypus den. The Platypus noticed that humans were beginning to pollute his little patch of the world, plastic bags and bottles were clogging up his stream and he was disgusted. He set off to investigate what the humans were up to and the rest is history.
- Favourite Animal = My fellow countryanimal the Wombat. Their square shaped poops always brighten my mornings
- Least Favourite Human = Jeff Bezos – 134 billion net worth and not a single critically endangered animal saved
- Likes = Long swims in rivers, playing dead and pretending to be hoax taxidermy and reading Hunter S Thompson novels
- Dislikes = Sewage and plastic pollution in rivers, wannabe poser ducks and humans who can’t take a joke
- Charity of Choice = Help Save the Platypus
The Tawny Owl
The Tawny Owl is our esteemed advisor and illuminating light. Owls are known all across the animal kingdom for being wise, erudite and expert strategists. Our Tawny Owl is no different and uses his 360 degree vision to oversee all activity and news across our site. He hails from the distant forests of the Little Carpathian’s in Slovakia and flies all over the world keeping two beady eyes on our animal journalists.
- Favourite Animal = Scrumdiddlyumptious little Harvest Mice, my favourite breakfast of all
- Least Favourite Human = Bill Gates – he’s always claiming to be the cleverest on the planet, pfffff he should play chess against an Owl
- Likes = All things pellet shaped, songs by Dead or Alive and drinking the midnight oil
- Dislikes = Early morning starts, the rain and humans with massive binoculars, you nosey buggers!
- Charity of Choice = The Owls Trust
The Hedgehog
Hedgehog is prickly yet soft-bellied, thus making her a strong team member of The Platypus News. When Hedgehog isn’t sleeping all day or eating fruits and insects, she’s writing (with one of her own quills). You may have seen her devouring garden pests around the UK. Hedgehog is not anywhere close to endangered, so she’s using her assured status to help other endangered critters.
- Favourite Animal = Tasty lil’ crickets and wormies!
- Least Favourite Human = Mark Zuckerberg, for how he handles hate speech and social media. Also his stupid face.
- Likes = Alone time, staying up all night
- Dislikes = Being the ball in croquet 🙁
- Charity of Choice = The Nature Conservancy
The Spotted Tailed Quoll
The Tiger Quoll, also known as the Spotted Tailed Quoll, the Spotted Quoll, the Spotted-Tail Dasyure, Native cat or the Tiger cat, is a carnivorous marsupial of the quoll genus Dasyurus native to Australia. (*Maybe just stick to one nickname in the future, even typing that was exhausting!) The Spotted Tailed Quoll has bright eyes, sharp teeth and moist pink nose which it uses to sniff out seriously high levels of human bullsh*t.
- Favourite Animal = Eastern Pygmy Possums. A delicacy.
- Least Favourite Human = Hagrid [he’s half-human, remember]
- Likes = Cleaning my whiskers after a long night of only eating the heads of my victims
- Dislikes = Staring into the abyss hoping the abyss doesn’t stare back
- Charity of Choice = Rewilding Australia
The Penguin
The Penguin is the latest member to The Platypus team and brings an icy cool presence to proceedings.
- Favourite Animal = The Polar Bear. We may be on opposite ends of the earth but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends and meet up every Christmas for a Coke.
- Least Favourite Human = Scott Pruitt. Not sure what this guy is protecting but it’s not the environment.
- Likes = Waddling, sledging, and mating for life.
- Dislikes = Fossil fuels. Every movie being a sequel.
- Charity of Choice = Polar Bear International
The Wolf
The Wolf is the battle-worn pragmatist of our team of animal journalists. He spends a lot of time stalking about learning things with his famously big eyes and ears. He is constantly baring his teeth in frustration and has engaged in online journalism as an outlet to stop his pack being the only the ones to hear what he howls about.
- Favourite Animal = Orcas. Lots for me to admire there; spreading around the whole planet, looking after your family, and inventing some ingenious tactics along the way. Basically, like me, but they can dive which is epic. Not surprising that sailors used to call them ‘sea-wolves’.
- Least Favourite Human = Little Red Riding Hood and her publicist. Anyone in denial about the climate crisis.
- Likes = Being outside, staring at things, exploring, family time, long loping runs, huffing and puffing, working as a team, the precision application of violence. You know, wolf stuff. Also films and playing with cameras.
- Dislikes = Hypocrites, greed and ‘reality TV’
- Charity of Choice = Born Free
The Beaver
The Beaver really knows how to get to the root of some of our trickiest journalistic problems. Those iron gnashers sure are useful for chewing through the endless stream of fake news and felling the trees of false information. She’s one hell of a team player and a dam good journalist.
- Favourite Animal = The domesticated indoor house cat. They are just so cute and snuggly. Also, very well fed so they have no desire to eat my babies.
- Least Favourite Human = That jerk that keeps blowing up my damn dam!
- Likes = Stopping the water.
- Dislikes = Rivers, and streams that endlessly flow.
- Charity of Choice = Beavers SWW
The Dog
The Dog is the alter ego of undercover journalist Anthony Umoh. If you are looking for more journalistic wizardry from The Dog head on over to – Anthony Umoh – umoh005@gmail.com.
- Favourite Animal = Dogs
- Least Favourite Human = Boris Johnson ( had to pick someone don’t hate too many people)
- Likes = Football, Gym and Football Manager
- Dislikes = Liverpool
- Charity of Choice = Battersea Dogs Home
The Beagle
The Beagle is the brain behind Upper Pawside and loves almost everything except a certain Disney Villain and that bloody Cat!
- Favourite Animal = The bunny – no, not the one that comes around at Easter but the one that you see hopping around your yard.
- Least Favourite Human = Cruella De Vil and her ilk
- Likes = Long Walks and Chow Time
- Dislikes = Noisy fireworks and that obnoxious cat
- Charity of Choice = Hope for Paws