Terms and Conditions
PLEASE READ THIS AGREEMENT CAREFULLY. IT SETS OUT THE TERMS UNDER WHICH The Platypus News OFFERS YOU USE OF ITS WEBSITE. BY USING THE SERVICES ON THE SITE YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE READ AND ACCEPT THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS. AND THAT THEY SHALL APPLY TO YOUR USE. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE BOUND BY THEM, PLEASE LEAVE THIS WEBSITE.
This Agreement is made between you and The Platypus News.
theplatypusnews.com is a satire/comedy news site – this means that all the stories are for entertainment and are not true. The Platypus News accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information. It is all made up and is not accurate.
From time to time you may be asked to register your details with us. In order to receive products or services or to enter competitions or to access certain areas of the site. When you do, additional terms and conditions will apply.
What we do for you
We try to make sure that the content and information on the Platypus News is not accurate. But things do change, so you might catch us out occasionally. If you spot any errors, please let us know. Send us an email, you can reach us at email@example.com.
What we need from you
To use our website, we need you to agree to these terms and conditions. And any additional terms and conditions which shall apply to your use of theplatypusnews.com.
Read the Terms
When using theplatypusnews.com you agree:
not to do anything which will or might damage, interfere with, disrupt access to. Interrupt or impair the functionality of the material available on the site;
to be entirely responsible for and keep secret any password used by you. You should change your password if you believe it’s no longer secret;
not to post, distribute or otherwise upload any defamatory, offensive, infringing, obscene, indecent or otherwise unlawful. Or objectionable material or information or send any chain letters, junk mail, ‘spamming’ material. Or any other form of bulk communication;
also not to threaten, harass, stalk, abuse, disrupt or otherwise violate the rights of others, including individuals’ privacy rights; not to make any unauthorised, false or fraudulent orders, bookings or request for services;
and not to obtain or attempt to obtain unauthorised access to the sites. Or any private or member account areas on the sites;
as well as not do, cause or permit anything to be done that may infringe, damage. Or interfere with any intellectual property rights of The Platypus News or any of our associated companies or third parties. Also, not to do anything that is otherwise unlawful or which may cause any liability for us.
As if you made it this far
If you send us or post any material or other information to theplatypusnews.com you agree The Platypus News will not treat this information as confidential and we will be free to keep and republish this information and reuse it as we see fit. You agree to give up your rights to be identified as the author of this information and to object to any use of this information by us.
Why you need to stick to these terms and conditions
If we consider that you have breached any of these terms and conditions or have otherwise demonstrated inappropriate conduct when using the The Platypus News website we reserve the right to:
delete any material or content which you may have posted without notice to you;
discontinue your membership thedailymash.co.uk and other related subscriptions to additional services offered through the site; and
take measures (including terminating, suspending or restricting your access) to prevent you from using thedplatypusnews.com.
If your conduct on or use of theplatypusnews.com causes us loss, damage or other costs, you shall be responsible for reimbursing these costs.
Seriously I can’t believe you’re still reading
Our promise to you
Nothing in these terms and conditions affects your legal rights as a consumer.
It’s important to note that using the Internet does have its dangers. We take reasonable steps to ensure a fast and reliable service, but we can’t be held responsible for:
the security of theplatypusnews.com
for any damage, loss of, or corruption of any data, information or material or viruses that may infect your computer equipment or other property
breach of security by hackers as a result of your use of theplatypusnews.com.
We are not responsible for any injury, loss, claim, damage, or any indirect, incidental or consequential damages of any kind (including but not limited to lost profits, lost savings or revenue, or loss or corruption of data or information) which arises out of or is in any way connected with your use of or failure to use theplatypusnews.com. This includes any information, products or services obtained through or any contract entered into via theplatypusnews.com.
From time to time we may need to update the content on theplatypusnews.com and/or maintain the software and other equipment that runs the site. During these times you may not be able to access the sites or things may be a bit slower than normal. If this happens, please try us again later.
You must be asleep by now
Got a complaint? Here are your legal rights
Your use of theplatypusnews.com and these terms and conditions, is subject to the laws of England and Wales and we reserve the right to bring proceedings to the Courts of the country of your location.
If you are at all dissatisfied with any aspect of the thedailymash.co.uk site then please contact firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, if you have any complaints about the products or services that you receive from using the site, then please tell them! If you want to contact us about anything then please click here to visit the Contact Us section.
Links to other sites
We may provide links to other websites, resources, advertisements or sponsorships either directly or through our contractual partners. We hope that you find these links useful.
If you decide to access other websites, then you will be leaving theplatypusnews.com – that means that we won’t be responsible or liable for the content, advertising or products or services available from such sites or, for any dealings that you may have, or the consequences of such dealings, with the operators of those sites. Should a dispute arise between you and any third party, we’ll do our best to help you resolve it, but we can’t be responsible for any loss or damage.
Go pop the kettle on there’s a fair bit to go
We expressly reserve the right to withdraw our consent, at any time, to a link that we think is inappropriate.
Intellectual Property Rights
The Platypus News name and logo may not be used without email@example.com written permission.
This also applies to all copyright, trademark rights, database rights, patent rights and any other intellectual property rights in text, graphics, audio, video or image files, content, software, data and information displayed on, or available from theplatypusnews.com. This includes the organisation and layout of the site and the underlying software that’s owned by us or our licensors and suppliers. You agree that all these materials are available for your personal use only, and you may not copy, modify, alter, publish, broadcast, distribute, sell or transfer any such materials without our written permission.
Changes to these terms and conditions
These terms and conditions may be amended, updated and/or modified by us from time to time. You’ll still need to agree to them, so it’s a good idea to keep checking back here to stay up to date.
If you keep visiting us here at theplatypusnews.com then we’ll take that as confirmation that you have agreed to the new terms and conditions.